The secret to a successful relationship with an aging parent, just as it is in any relationship, is communication. Talking about life situations in a pre-arranged, relaxed setting, before a serious situation arises, is really the only way to ensure that when the time comes, the right decisions are made.

Are Your Parents Aging?
Unfortunately, many adult children don’t realize that they have “aging parents”. Today’s generation of elderly is far more active than in past generations. They live longer, they work longer, they remain in their own homes longer, and they have countless ways of making themselves appear more youthful than they really are. So it’s easy for adult children to lose track of their parents’ ages, especially when they’re busy taking care of their own children.

If you’re between the ages of thirty and sixty, it’s probably time you start planning to have the oftentimes uncomfortable conversations with your parents about such important topics as where they’ll want to live when they can no longer live independently, how much money they’ll have to live on after retirement, what type of medical insurance they’ll have, whether their legal papers are in order, and even what type of “end of life” arrangements they prefer.

These conversations will be uncomfortable on many different levels. First, no one, especially aging parents, wants to confront the truth that the end really is near. Please don't hesitate to contact us to speak with our in-home care associates - we can explain the options and talk with you about your situation. Equally troublesome is that this role-reversal, where the adult children begin caring for the parents, is difficult for all parties involved to accept and get used to. Additionally, with family members living further and further apart from one another, getting together to communicate is itself a difficult task. And quite simply, there are lots of people, regardless of age, who just aren’t very good at verbal communication.

Plenty of Advice Awaits You
Fortunately, there are countless resources available that deal specifically with communicating with aging parents. Whether or not you consider yourself a good communicator, you could benefit by taking advantage of these resources. They’re loaded with advice on what to do and what not to do when bringing up the emotionally-charged topics mentioned above. The aarp offers a resource with many links in the Caring for Elderly Parents guide.

For example, would you be able to know when you’re crossing that fine line between getting the information you need and prying into your parents’ business? Healthfinder.gov offers a page for finding resources dealing with aging parent issues. It’s tricky and the perception that their children are prying is one of the fastest and easiest ways to derail your conversations indefinitely.

In most families, there’s usually one sibling who, by desire or by default becomes the one responsible for dealing with the family’s aging parents. Deciding who that person will be is a good topic for that very first conversation with aging parents because involving them helps parents feel like they’re a part of the decision-making process. You should do as much research as possible to find the best resources for your aging parents - take a look at Long Term Care Link for a listing of many resources. In fact, by making recommendations and allowing parents to voice their opinions (assuming they’re physically and mentally capable of doing so) before arriving at major decisions is crucial if you expect to have a successful relationship with your aging parents.